Last week I had a dream. The details of the dream don’t matter. What’s important is that brought up a very raw, very old sadness in me. I met with my dream coach and we unpacked it together.
Here’s what it showed me:
As a little girl, I felt lonely and unloved. Through this dream, I felt these feelings viscerally in my body. I need to feel this and let it go. I need to show compassion for this little girl version of me.
As a mother, I have had an unconscious pattern of overcompensating for the loneliness and sadness I experienced as a little girl by going out of my way to make sure my own children never feel lonely or unloved.
Interestingly this pattern has led me into addictive patterns. For those of you who don’t know, I take a tincture to help me sleep at night because of a bladder condition. When I’m on this tincture I get a little high which turns me into “fun mom.” When I’m not on the tincture I’m sometimes “tired and irritable” mom. Why? Because I’m human.
The dream showed me why I feel so guilty about sometimes being “tired and irritable” mom. The guilt of sometimes being tired and irritable around my kids has led me to want to take substances to bypass experiencing certain emotions around my kids.
It also showed me why I get so anxious when people withdraw — I experienced this so much as a child it sets me into an irrational panic.
Emotional abandonment, I learned from exploring the history of the women in my family, is a pattern. My Grandmother experienced it from her mother. My mother experienced it from hers. And I experienced it from mine.
This is what the women in my family do when faced with adversity.
Thanks to my dream, I can feel and process the pain of emotional abandonment. I can see how it plays out in my life. I can be aware of the pattern and choose a different coping strategy.
Here’s where things get magical…
I believe — and this is just a knowing inside of me — that that awareness heals retroactively. Choosing a loving way to be in the face of adversity as opposed to the knee-jerk thing that I have learned to do from my own mother that she learned from hers and so forth, reaches back into history like a healing balm and my ancestors experience this as a healing for them too.
Just this shift in awareness from a simple little dream alchemizes the energy in my relationships without me having to do anything in the physical world.
As an example, I had a friend who had gone a bit quiet. I noticed this and fell into anxiety over it. Did I say something wrong? Is she upset with me? Did she decide not to like me anymore?
On the morning of this dream, after I had unpacked it with my mentor, I got a call from this very friend and we connected over the phone and I learned that she had been going through some tough times and it had nothing to do with me. I hadn’t reached out to her. I simply shifted into a new awareness and I believe it shifted the energy of our friendship.
So there you have it. The power of one little dream.
Wanna do dream work with me?
I’ll be launching a pilot program this summer for anyone who would like to do dream work with me. Email me (or if you see this on social media DM me) to get on the waiting list.
Want to start dream work now?
I highly recommend my coach, April Angel (yep, her last name is Angel. Isn’t that cool?). You can find her over at AprilAngel.com. You can also check her out on Tiktok under the handle aprilangel79. Tell her I sent you!