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Live and Let Live


I come from a long line of drunks so I know all the Alcoholics Anonymous slogans. One of the biggies is Live and Let Live.

I *thought* I understood this one and on one level I did. Let people be people and mind your own business. It’s not complicated.

But, my understanding of this principle has deepened over the past few weeks as I have experienced a trifecta of triggers, any one of which would have sent the old me into a neurotic approval seeking tizzy.

I won’t go into the gory details but suffice it to say that I have I have been rattled.

And, full disclosure, peanut butter chocolate covered malt balls and 1:1 tincture have come in handy.

BUT I have also noticed something new and decidedly strange…


Like, underneath it all is this feeling of safety.

You see, in the past, I found my safety outside of myself, inside the reactions of other people. My husband. My parents. My friends. My teachers.

If they were following along with my expectations by responding positively to me, I was good to go. If, however, there was any sign of disapproval, imagined or real, subtle or blatant, I would melt into a pool of approval seeking neediness that sent my mind into an uncontrollable spin and my anxiety into gut wrenching overdrive.

And over the past few weeks, I have encountered a buffet of triggers – people blatantly excluding me or just forgetting plans we had made together, misunderstanding me, getting angry at me, ignoring me, being rude to me in public, passive aggressive and on and on…

And I have been solid. A little rattled here and there but quickly back to coherence.

What does this have to do with the AA slogan?

In the past I would unconsciously lean on other people to feed my ego, my need to feel safe, loved, validated, seen.

It’s like feeding the machine. There is never an end to the striving, the hustling, the overanalyzing, the controlling… when you source love, happiness, fulfillment and safety from the shaky foundation of other people’s reactions.

To really “live and let live” means letting other people be other people without constantly making it about you. Let them have their struggles. Let them be neurotic. Let them forget you. Let them get triggered by you. Let them numb, judge, whine and complain. Just let them do what they do without having to change them, or control them or judge them or manipulate them.

And live.

Live. Live. Live.

Live from the unfaltering belief in two things:

  1. You are worthy, as is, without having to do or be anything. You are worthy based on one criteria: You were born into this human experience and that’s fucking bad ass.
  2. Everything is going to be okay. It’s a simple perspective shift. It’s the belief that everything happens FOR you and not TO you.

These two beliefs will lead you back to you, back to the trust of what is, and ultimately into an unshakable courage that you can do anything.

So what does it mean to live from a place of courage?

It means…

I don’t need you to like me. I don’t need you to remember me. I don’t need you to want to listen to me. I don’t need you to pay attention to me.

(I used to want all of this so badly.)


I have my heart, my connection to spirit, nature, animals, my children, my writing, my art, my body… I am endlessly entertained and fulfilled. I am worthy and everything is not only okay but happening FOR my continued expansion and personal growth.

If you can live there, you are an unshakable, unfuckwithable, unconditionally loving badass.

Someone who can live and let live…No need for control. No need for judgement. No need for manipulation. And because of that, you can occupy your heart space where there is presence, no strings attached, where there is freedom, where there is a courage that is the predecessor to flow.

That is all.

Want me to come talk to your coaching or spiritual group about courage, coaching, business energetics or something else? I’ve opened my calendar this summer to visit coaching pods!

Shoot me an email and I’d be happy to set up a time to meet with your group!

And click here to get on the wait list for NORTH STAR COACH MENTORING.

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