I have a close family member (who shall remain nameless) who is a master of what I call the “dead zinger.”
What is a “dead zinger,” you ask?
A “dead zinger” is an insult that goes so low it zings you every time you think about it, even years later.
I remember once this individual said to me,
“Amy, you only hang around people who worship you.”
OUCH!
He may as well have kicked me in the shin.
Another time he said, “Amy, your husband is a saint for putting up with you so many years.”
See what I mean?
His “dead zingers” would torment me for weeks and weeks and zing me whenever the insult entered fresh into my psyche.
Got anyone like this in your life?
Well here’s a handy trick to diffuse the power of a “dead zinger.”
It’s a kind of mental jujitsu.
“Ju” means to yield. “Jitsu” roughly translates to “the art of.”
The art of yielding.
Defeat your enemy by yielding to them.
After all, striking back consumes energy, especially if your opponent has a full suit of armor and you don’t.
(We introverts, empaths and sensitives feel this way, don’t we?)
Here’s what you do. When someone insults you, look for the truth in it.
I know? Bonkers right?
Maybe… Or perhaps you are buying to the cultural myth of perfectionism that says we are not allowed to make mistakes or be fucking human. Ahem.
Take me as an example.
The first “dead zinger” was…
“Amy, you only hang around people who worship you.”
Now this zinger is nearly 30 years old. I received it when I was in my early twenties.
It zung (is that the correct construction?) me for years, but not anymore.
Here’s why…
I found the truth in it. Yeah sometimes I did want to hang around people who worshipped me. I mean, who wouldn’t? It made me feel important. And I spent many years as a child feeling completely invisible. It was a coping method.
I am a whole human being which means sometimes I seek significance. Even today (gasp). I forgive myself.
The second “dead zinger”…
“Your husband is a saint for putting up with you this many years.”
It no longer zings me either.
Because… duh.
He is a saint for putting up with me this many years.
I’m a hand full sometimes.
But I have plenty of good qualities too – because I am a whole human being.
We are lucky to have each other.
This, my friend, is the art of self-forgiveness.
One of the benefits is freedom from “dead zingers.”
Freedom from that sick feeling in your stomach, or the time spent in perseveration, or the energy wasted thinking of clever things to say back to your enemy (that you never think of right away anyhow).
Want to learn more about self-forgiveness and how it can help you deal with difficult people?
Join me for MONDAY FEBRUARY 10TH at 10am PT / 1pm ET for …
The Life-Saving Magic of Self Forgiveness: Feel Better, Manifest More and Transform the Voice of Self Doubt into Your Biggest Asset.
REGISTER HERE <– help has arrived and it’s totally free!
Here’s what we’re going to cover in this content packed class:
- How to deal with people who trigger you
- The real truth behind approval seeking that nobody is talking about
- How to access the wise mentor inside you – in 3 steps
- Overcome the habit of beating the crap out of yourself in your head
- Simple mindset tweaks for effortless creativity, confidence, energy and motivation
- A step by step plan to transform the voice of self-doubt into your biggest asset.
The sad truth is people who wield the “dead zinger” do it because it works. People who criticize, reject and judge, do it to control people who fear criticism, rejection and judgement – that’s you. You give them the power to make you feel bad about yourself, all so they can feel better. Enough is enough. Join me February 10th for my free masterclass. Come learn how the simple act of self-forgiveness can diffuse the power of mean people once and for all. REGISTER HERE.
