It’s been tricky to stick to a weekly blogging schedule. I feel stuck sometimes because I don’t know what to write about and I get all up in my head about it.
I want to be helpful. I want to be funny. I don’t want to be too much of a downer. Should I try to teach something? Share a tool? List some resources?
When I start to spin like this I go onto social media and fall into the void. Then nothing gets written. Naturally.
I am reminded of some sage advice that came through the higher self of someone I was coaching the other day:
Chill out and stop overthinking it.
So I’ve decided that if I’m stuck, I’ll just check in. This blog is called Being Amy after all. So, I don’t know, I guess I’ll just be Amy.
I’ve been up and down the past few weeks. Lots of old stuff coming up that I thought I had cleared. I’ve been swimming around in the old patterns, comparing myself to other people, feeling unseen, acting graspy for validation, etc.
I don’t know why all these old patterns are coming up but the good news is that I’m getting quite skillful at just seeing it play out with a kind of detached curiosity — no judging, no trying to make it go away.
So that’s a #win.
Simultaneously, the endlessly curious part of me, the one with the incredibly high bullshit detector, who goes digging for truth, has been learning things about the world, dark, dark shit that she thought was pure conspiracy, that she’s now beginning to see is not, stuff that takes a lot of courage to face.
In a nutshell, I’m seeing the shadows in me and the shadows around me.
Then trying not to fall into a state of dread. I do this by reminding myself that without LIGHT, it’s impossible to SEE.
What hides in the shadows, remains in the shadows.
So I honor the LIGHT that shines into the dark and reveals the truth.
As heavy as it is, and as scary as it may be to face, I have the courage to look.
So here’s to the light. May it continue to shine into the darkest corners. May we. all have the courage to see what’s there.