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Confession:

I have always felt I was born to do something important.

To save the world, as lofty as that sounds.

As a kid, my heart would break at the sight of a clear cut forest.

I worried about nuclear annihilation and stored containers of water in the kitchen pantry.

I am still haunted by the memory of seeing an old woman lose her wig on a ride at Disneyland.

Over the years my heart has broken over and over again. So much poverty, sickness, war, inequity, the impunity of “leaders” who spout promises but continue to profit off all of the above.

So…

I marched. I protested. I petitioned. I wrote letters.

I researched tax equity for a progressive think tank.

I spearheaded digital advocacy and fundraising campaigns for Mercy Corps International.

I created an online petition to end the death penalty before that was even a thing.

I travelled to DC as a volunteer for Amnesty International.

I was a Presidential Management Finalist and interviewed to work for the federal government.

All because I knew I was here on a mission.

And despite all the marching, the campaigning, the petitioning, and the letter writing, the poverty got worse, the sickness ballooned, the wars multiplied, the inequity deepened, the impunity never stopped and the rich continued to get richer.

One day, a few years into Covid, when everyone was drunk on fear, and the polarization became so extreme that families were shunning families and friends were dropping friends, and everybody had to be on a SIDE and I had just finished reading something like my fifth book by David R. Hawkins who showed that the power of consciousness can objectively be measured…

It hit me.

It doesn’t matter how much effort we put into saving the world — the marching, the campaigning, the petitioning, the letter writing — if we are doing it from a lower state of consciousness.

We may have the highest intensions. We may be as sincere as sincere gets. We may be willing to march until the skin falls off our weary feet.

If we keep on taking action from our wounded selves, we will always create a world that mirrors our wounds. Everything we do to create a better world that comes from an unhealed place, will simply broadcast more of that energy back out.

Which is why Ghandi said, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.”

All that work to save the world and I never once thought to work on saving myself.

In Power versus Force, Hawkins writes that 85 % of the world’s population calibrates below 200. That’s a population anchored in the frequencies of addiction, false pride, anger, fear, apathy or shame.

He also says this:
The energy of a single individual who calibrates at 500 [Love] counterbalances 750,000 individuals below 200.

Everybody wants love. But nobody seems to have enough of it. Most of us retreat to our heads, resigned to settle for a nice house, a good job, a fancy car, some good sex, a bowl of icecream, the next glass of wine or anything that will impress our friends and get us a hit of approval, and then we wonder why we feel so empty.

Personally, I have always poo poo’ed the idea of love. Hallmark cards. Valentines Day. Romantic Comedies…

Quoting Hawkins in the Map of Consciousness Explained, “the world generally refers to as love is an intense emotionality, combining physical attraction, possessiveness, control, addiction, erotiscim and novelty. It is usually evanescent and fluctuating, waxing and waning and with varying conditions. When frustrated, this emotion often reveals an underlying anger and dependency that is masked.”

What I didn’t realize is that LOVE is THE number one most underrated force of power that we humans have at our disposal to stop spinning our wheels and actually SAVE THE WORLD, OUR PLANET AND THE ENTIRE HUMAN COLLECTIVE.

Real love is unconditional, unchanging and permanent. “It is a way of relating to the world that is forgiving, nurturing and supportive…it’s not intellectual…it emanates from the heart… Love focuses on the goodness of life in all its expressions and augments that which is positive… This is the level of true happiness.”

Ponder this…

What would your childhood have been like if you could have looked back on it and said: My mother was always so happy.

Maybe you are the one of the few who can. But many of us cannot.

One happy mother would have changed so much. Now multiply that by a billion. A billion happy mothers all over the planet. What could that do? It’s nothing to laugh at. It’s something that we as a human collective had better start aspiring to and, I’m sorry, but it doesn’t start by crafting better legislation.

We keep falling for the division. We keep finding a side to demonize. We keep blaming it on a country, a skin color, a gender or a political affiliation.

We keep telling ourselves that if we just vote for the best candidate, the representatives of that side will swoop down and make everything ok…

As a reminder:

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. How long will we as a humanity keep falling into the same way of thinking expecting a different outcome?

We have to start doing something different. It starts by being brave and looking at our own wounds.

I am willing to bet that every single one of you reading this now knows what it feels like be shamed, to feel angry, to hate, and to live  in fear. And I’m also willing to bet that I’m not the only one looking around, wondering why the world is so fucked up…

How many of us actually know what it feels like to truly love?

What kind of world could we create if we could walk in it with an open heart?

The reality is that most of us would rather stay up in our heads, blaming, shaming and intellectualizing before we would show up to do the brave work that healing asks of us.

To create a world that is harmonious and peaceful, we have to first create harmony and peace within. Then, when you do march, or campaign, or petition, or write letters, you will do it from a place of true power, and impact and the energy you send out into the world will mirror the love that you put into those actions.

I still feel a sense of mission, like I was born to do something important. But now I understand that to “save the world,” I have to  save myself first. I will be the change I wish to see in the world. I will continue to heal until I can genuinely say that I know what it is to truly love.

I will stop allowing outside forces to manipulate me into a fear state that has me picking sides and thinking that blame, shame and control are a means to an end and I will continue, over and over again, until I die or the skin falls of my feet, to know real LOVE.

This is the only way we step into what we truly want to experience on this planet.