(This is me with my friend’s dogs. Cute!!!)
I was making dinner the other night when a text came through. It was from my daughter’s cheer team. They wanted her to come for last-minute team pictures the following day.
I hadn’t planned on another layer of complication added to my already complicated driving schedule (when you are a mom of two other kids who also need rides and a husband who travels for work).
I was in the closet putting some clothes away when I noticed a lot of intense energy inside my chest and I said to myself: “Amy, look around you, this closet is awesome. You have a lovely home, sweet kids, a husband who loves you, and a dog who only pees on your bed occasionally…”
Then I folded a pair of socks and spontaneously asked myself: “What is keeping you from fucking loving your life right now?”
I was straightening Ron’s shorts when an answer came in:
I’m worried about my book. Somehow, if I drive on this extra night, I won’t ever find time to finish my book.
The irrational thought that driving Joy to cheer on an extra Tuesday night would prevent me from realizing my dream of finishing my book was the source of the anxiety.
Well jeez, now that I know that’s bullshit, (I don’t ever work on the book after school anyway), I can relax into some extra drive time with my girl. Maybe listen to a podcast. Practice surrender to the thankless, unsexy, tedious monotony that is sometimes a part of mothering.
And they say parenting is not a spiritual practice.
I don’t know anything about your life.
…where you live.
…if you have family to speak of or a partner who loves you.
…whether or not your dog is properly house trained.
Some of you are currently experiencing blessed circumstances.
Many of you are not.
It’s complicated. We are complicated. Life is.
But if you ask yourself: “What is keeping me from fucking loving my life right now [curse word is optional but I find it adds a nice punch],” and you’re open to the truth, an answer might come.
Your ego might not like it…
The road to loving your life right now might remind you of how irrational you can be sometimes (and you have a judgment about that) or it might mean you have to ask for help (and you have a judgment about that) or you might have to see something a new way (and you have a fear about that) or you have to make a big life change (and you have a fear around that).
Or the answer might be something simple like joining a pickle ball league (it’s all the rage).
Though your ego might not love that answer easier because it would require you to carve out some time for yourself (and you have a judgment about that) and venture out of your comfort zone (and you have a fear about that).
Or maybe the answer is rest. Like take more naps (and you have a judgement about that).
Or maybe you are currently not meant to be loving your life at all right now because you have rage, or grief or trauma to process (and you have judgement and fear around that).
But the next time you feel angsty, maybe try it. Ask yourself what is keeping you from loving your life right now.
1) You have to be open and willing to hear the truth from your inner guidance.
2) You have to be brave enough to make the change.
3) You have to stop judging your ego for doing what it does. Then you honor the judgmental part of you. Honor the scared part of you. Honor the part of you who isn’t loving life right now.
So… What’s keeping you?
P.S. I’m taking questions for the ASK AMY section of the blog, email me (firstname.lastname@example.org) if you’d like a chance to get some fresh perspective on your life challenge. Anonymously.
Great essay, Amy! Actually, right now I am loving my life. I have 2 little dogs imperfectly housebroken, some areas of my house that need serious organising and cleaning , a driveway that needs repair,etc. However, life on the whole is good-at least right now!
I always enjoy your updates!