This is the true story of a woman who wanted to take a thirty minute Peloton class and loses her reading glasses along the way.
Here is what happened:
Amy Pearson, hardworking mother of three, life coach and aspiring New York Time Bestselling author, has decided to join a tennis team. Her first match last weekend — two hours of grueling play against a woman who, despite all appearances, had the stamina of a highly caffeinated Iron Man athlete. Amy loses her first match.
Amy remembers having stamina once which is why she joined this team. She faces back to back tennis matches this coming weekend.
Will she be able to do it? She honestly doesn’t know.
After months of neglect, she decides to do some conditioning on her Peloton bike.
It has been so long since she’s used this equipment that she can no longer login. She creates a new password. Three updates later, she slides onto the bike. Ready to work.
Five minute warm up out of the way, Ally Love is about to launch into Tabata and she gets a text from her fifteen year old son. He needs a ride home from practice.
She pauses her class and runs to the car to grab her son from the field.
Her son is hungry so, upon arrival, she warms up soup and tosses rolls into the oven.
She eats a bowl of soup herself and cleans up. As she does she notices her son’s baseball pants are filthy and, despite his objections, she isn’t going to let him wear those again without washing them.
She needs to treat them and the bucket she uses to soak her whites in is in the greenhouse because she was going to use it to make compost tea. She’ll buy a different bucket for that.
She has some garden stuff that got delivered from Amazon that she carries to the greenhouse. When she gets there she notices that her starts are wilting so, in a panic, she waters her starts.
The sun is low and the chickens are heading inside the coup so she closes the door. As she does she notices the rabbit hutch is not latched so she latches it.
She returns to the kitchen. On the way, her ten year old says she’s in the mood for green juice. Amy thinks about the head of lettuce in the fridge that she hasn’t yet used and the apple and the grapefruit and decides to make her daughter some juice because she has a nice juicer and needs to use that stuff up and her daughter who mostly just eats bread and Nutella needs to consume some fruits and veggies.
She makes the juice with the help of her fifteen year old daughter and they divide it up between the four of them, Amy, her ten year old, her fifteen year old and her other fifteen year old.
Content that her children have at least consumed something healthy once that day, she realizes she forgot to bring the bucket in from greenhouse.
She returns to the greenhouse to get the bucket.
She brings the bucket in and gathers all the dirty white baseball pants. She treats one leg with Tide Max Force and the other with an organic zero waste stain remover to split test which will get the pants cleaner.
She walks around the house putting folded clothes away and her fifteen year old daughter tells her that the Peloton class is on. Shit. It must have started automatically, she thinks.
She runs upstairs and goes to put on her cycling shoes but realizes that her water bottle is gone and she can’t take a Peloton class without water.
She goes all around the house looking for her water bottle. “Have you seen my water bottle? Have you seen my water bottle?” She asks her kids.
Nobody has seen her water bottle.
That’s when she remembers that she put it in a tote bag that is hanging on from the Peloton bike.
When she finally gets on the Peloton again, the class is halfway through. She finishes the ride anyway because fifteen minutes of Tabata is more than enough conditioning.
She finishes her ride, takes off her shoes and goes downstairs to check on the laundry. She puts the pants that had been soaking into the washer on the “whites” cycle and gets the comforter that her dog peed on last night out of the dryer.
She drags her comforter to the kitchen and makes some tea. That’s when she remembers the oven is still on. She turns off the oven. She carries the tea and her comforter upstairs.
She puts the tea by her bed and throws the comforter on top of her bed, washes her face and brushes her teeth, then changes into her pajamas but remembers she had wanted to take a shower. She takes her pj’s off and gets into the shower.
She practices the body pendulum inside the shower because why not? She gets out of the shower and puts her pj’s back on.
She goes to lay down in bed and realizes that at some point in all this she has set down her reading glasses and now she can’t remember what she did with them.
She gets up and looks all around the house for her glasses. “Have you seen my glasses? Have you seen my glasses?” She asks her kids.
Nobody has seen her brand new Warby Parker blue-light filtering anti fatigue glasses.
She slides a pair of back-up glasses on and retraces her steps. In the morning she will check the laundry room and the greenhouse.
Epilogue: Amy found her reading glasses in the laundry room inside a folded stack of baseball jerseys. The organic stain treatment bar won (From Kind Laundry) but she was using diluted Tide Max Force so continued testing is called for. Her tennis matches are this weekend, starting tomorrow. Her daughter is 12, not 10.
Laugh out loud funny !! And oh so true!